INSTEAD, I sit before you still unsure of what college will mean for me.
I never thought it would upset me this much, the whole not leaving for college. It didn't really hit me until I started walking into stores where rows were filled with college essentials. From coffee pots, to the microwave you sneak under the bunk bed, or even the mini fridge that you almost immediately regret buying because it doesn't keep anything cold, it all seemed more appealing. Organizers were in bright colors, screaming everyones name except mine, why? Because I didn't need them. I log on facebook and even that is not an escape. Facebook is flooded with college plans, moving trips, pictures of dorms. I find myself being a little bitter, not that I want to be, and I try so hard not to be, but sometimes I catch myself distancing myself from those who are going off to college, because I'm to upset that I'm not doing the same. I know it's ridiculous. People keep telling me that I made the right choice, that it was smart of me to stay home, go to a college near by for the first year, get back on my feet, get healthy, save money. I hear it all, and I hear it all to often. I hold back tears when I hear it. I nod my head to agree, as if I'm truly ok with it. But on the inside, all I can think is, it wasn't my choice. I didn't want this. Daily I pray about it, and usually I pray that God will make it easier to deal with, that eventually I will be ok with it. Till then, I've decided to take the first semester off to focus solely on my health. Then I will enter in next semester and take classes through the summer. If it's God's will, I plan to go off to college next year. But for now, for now I'm here.
2 Corinthians 5:7
"We live by faith, not by sight."
God,I trust in your plan. Like it is said in the Lord's prayer, "let your will be done", and I've always been told, it's better to be in God's will then anywhere else.
